that girl that cries in the car

good things this way - initforlove

It’s a strange thing fear.  It can make you scared, frozen and uncertain about the future.

I’ve been feeling a lot of that this week.   A fear of the “what ifs”.

What if i don’t get a positive health report when I go to the doctor next.  What if there is no way for us to naturally have children?  What if i am living a life that is half hearted when it could be so much more?

Its these things that have been confronting me as I hear more and more and know more and more people who have been diagnosed with cancer.  And its breaking my heart to think about what these people are going through, both physically and mentally.   It must be incredibly overwhelming.

The fear then starts to make you look at yourself and begin to question what is happening with your own life. What if that was you? What would you do?  How would you feel? What would you change in your life because of this?  It begins to question what you have right now and whether it is enough.

But why do you have to wait for something bad to happen!!! Why couldn’t you just change your situation now? What is stopping me at looking at what I would change in my life now? Because life could change in a second tomorrow?

So driving home, a million thoughts going through my head about what I would do.  What would I change?  What have I been putting off?  Should we look further into adoption.   Should we look at fostering.  Do we sell our house and move out bush to a more relaxed,  homegrown lifestyle away from the hustle and bustle of the city?

With all these thoughts racing through my head, one soft still voice cut through it, interrupting the mess, “Seek first the kingdom of God”.

And little tears started flowing.   All these thoughts going through my head of how I can change my own situation, so easily shifting my focus away from what I know I should be concentrating on – the big guy upstairs!!

It’s so easy to get distracted by the what ifs.  But my gentle reminder was pretty clear –  stop, life will go on – but ALWAYS seek first His kingdom. His word.  The rest will fall into place to exactly how it should be because your focus is on His will!

It’s easy to get caught up in worry and fear and when there is terrible things happening to those you love.  It’s incredibly hard not to be swept up in those feelings!  But there is already an answer that will help you….its written for everyone to read!

I know at times I will still get scared, I know that there is always a fear of the unknown and I know I will probably over analyse it and write a raw, heavy post!    I’ve been that way ever since I was little and also into my teens. Scared of death and running into my mum and dads room in the middle of the night, anxious and in tears.  But I know now where to look and where to seek comfort, beyond the here and now – its just a matter of continually knowing that thats where the answers are, and to push all my worries into prayer and cling to Him.

Serve only the Lord your God and fear him alone. Obey his commands, listen to his voice, and cling to him.

Deuteronomy 13:4 NLT

the promise of a miracle

As my husband and I continue waiting on our miracle, on a child, there are so many things I keep learning along the way.

You see it is hard waiting for a miracle.  Every day I feel different things – certain times of the months I feel A LOT more things I can tell you.

I’ve had plenty of sad days and days of being upset and wondering when this journey will end. But amongst those days there have been happy days.  Plenty of them!  And its focusing on that and why you were so happy that is what keeps you going.

What I’ve recently learned however, and I’m talking recently as in Sunday just gone, is that I deserve a miracle!

It seems that for quite a while, I’ve been telling myself quite the opposite – that I don’t deserve a miracle.  That there is something I’ve done along the way that has meant that I won’t get a child.   That I shouldn’t ask to be pregnant in prayer because it’s not something I’ve earnt.   So I haven’t been asking.  I haven’t been praying for our future child.

Now that in itself is something I have to work on because I’m still trying to figure out why exactly I feel this way, but Sunday it changed this perception for me.   I  took myself out of my comfort zone and went along to a healing meeting my sister in law invited us to.  It was at a church outside of Brisbane with a Pastor called John Mellor – an Australian man who travels the world performing amazing healings and miracles in the name of Jesus.

Every single person in that church was given the opportunity to be prayed for.  To line up after the service and have John pray on their need, to pray for healing.   I felt like I maybe shouldn’t.  That there were people in this church with pain, sickness and cancer and here we were, healthy and happy people who wanted to create a life, while others were fighting for theres.

But we lined up and waited for John to pray for us – both whispering to each other about ‘what do we ask for, what do we say‘, only to both say back to each other ‘i don’t know i’ve never done this before‘.  Yes we are dorks.

But fancy that.  Not knowing what to ask for – but knowing at the same time.  We shouldn’t have to be afraid to ask!

We did end up telling him when it was our time – that we were waiting for a baby.

He prayed for us and prayed our infertility away.  He laid hands on us and prayed for healing of sperm.  He lay hands upon my stomach and prayed for my uterus to be healed.  He laid hands on us both and prayed for the promise of a child in 12 months time.   And tears streamed down my face.  

I’ve learnt that its okay to speak out loud what we want.  That as we praise God and ask for forgiveness, that we can also ask for what our hearts long for and believe that through faith He will deliver!   Because we are all worthy!  That Jesus paid the ultimate price for us and that in these circumstances we have to take it to the cross!

Sunday gave me affirmation of hope and for believing in a child of our own just as He has done for so many others who have prayed for the same!

I will be praying every day.  I will be praying every day on the promise of a child of our own in 12 months time.  Praying on the healing power of our Lord Jesus Christ and believing that we do indeed deserve a miracle and we will have a child.



A Harvest of Blessing

15/10/2014 12:49am

this is beautiful. you deserve happiness. you are not alone in your journey. blessings.


15/10/2014 4:56am

Amen! So thankful that there is power in the name of Jesus! That He has given us the authority to call forth life into our wombs! SO awesome that y’all received prayer! I love that Jesus love to do miracles and can’t wait for yours!!


15/10/2014 7:40am

AMEN!!!! This is amazing!!! I’m in complete agreement with the prayers prayed over you and all that Caroline just said!!! YES!!!!


16/10/2014 7:33am

Ahh I just love this! Praying and believing with you! Just like Hannah received word from the priest that her prayers have been heard and answered, believe that your prayers have also been heard and answered 🙂

This post reminded me of a post I recently did called, My First Smile

ames 4:2 which says, “You do not have because you do not ask.”



16/10/2014 8:23am

Oh, I totally understand this Finley! I’ve grown up in a church where we don’t like to believe we deserve anything, I love that you had such a great experience on Sunday. I’ll be praying along with you!


24/10/2014 12:07pm

What a beautiful story! Praying for you, friend.

waiting on your miracle




At the end of last month, September, we had a guest Pastor to Church, Sam Chand speak.   Sometimes at Church there are just some sermons that really hit you, that smack you right in the chest and say ‘listen well to this one Finley you need to hear this!’. 

This was one of them and paired with scripture (Sam Chand referenced Mark 5:36-43), it’s something to definitely study on as I seek answers as to our infertility and “what’s next”!

He spoke about Things to do while waiting on your Miracle and the story of Jairus, who was waiting for his miracle. About how Jairus must have felt waiting for Jesus to come to heal his daughter.  But instead, he had to wait.  He waited alongside Jesus as he healed a woman who had been bleeding for 12 years and was continually outcast from synagogues because she was “unclean”.    But she touches Jesus garment and by her faith she is healed.  Obviously Jairus is happy for her but the delay while he is waiting for his own miracle must have been frustrating to him.  Though Jesus did not neglect a woman who needed him.

Jairus’s daughter passes while he is waiting and he must have been quite upset at the situation and at Jesus I am sure.  But when they finally get to his house, Jesus tells Jairus and his family, no she is just sleeping and brings her back to life.   Now THAT is a miracle!   Even with the highs and lows.

Yet Jairus did wait.
Though not patiently I’m sure at times – but, he waited by Jesus side.
His faith must have been waivering, he would have been amazed at the healing power of Jesus in that moment of healing this woman – but he waited.
He experienced extreme sadness when finding out his daughter had passed, but he followed Jesus back to his home – and he waited – to see his daughter raised from the dead and healed!

But its all in the waiting!!!

Now patience isn’t my virtue and its something I have so struggled in with infertility and throughout my life.  But its not by patience alone, it’s by faith.  It’s that even in the face of fear and struggles, you have to take it to the cross.  You have to believe in your miracle.  Believe in the power that is Jesus as you wait!   And his sermon summed it up;

Things to do while waiting on your miracle
1.  Don’t be afraid.   
2.  Only believe
3.  Surround yourself with positive people (see Mark 5:37)
4.  Kick out the negative people from your life (Mark 5:38)
6.  Speak life into your situation (Mark 5:41)
7.  Feed your miracle

All these, except for number 4 which I feel can’t be helped sometimes (especially if you work with some of them!) are exactly what needs to happen.

But above all, have faith – have faith in the waiting – and believe that Jesus will put his hands on your situation and breathe life into it!  That nothing is impossible with God!

Amongst hilarious jokes and puns on waiting – you have to watch the podcast if you like a good laugh and a good sermon where it hits all the right spots!    (33 minutes)

Faith and Fellowship Blog Hop

11/10/2014 5:37am

Great reminder girl!


14/10/2014 9:05pm

Thanks Angela.


12/10/2014 12:50am

Thanks for linking up with Susannah and I! 🙂

I love it when someone comes by with a truth that is super necessary, however difficult it may be to apply.Waiting is a thing we tend to do so poorly and in ways that communicate what a lack of faith that we have. I speak for myself….My waiting needs to be redeemed just as much as the rest of me!


14/10/2014 9:07pm

Thanks so much Victoria. It definitely gets difficult at times and its a daily thing to just try and keep looking forward and to the cross for me!!! One day at time 🙂


13/10/2014 10:52am

What a wonderful post, Finley! Your faith is so inspirational. I hope that you’re not waiting long.


14/10/2014 9:08pm

Aww thanks lovely Jessah! Me too! Waiting on the promises of the Lord definitely for He does deliver! You are proof of His followed through promises! Hope you are well mamma to be xx