expectation vs reality

It’s a funny thing expectation.I had this expectation of what it would be like when I came back from my mission trip and how it would impact my blogging life.  I thought it would mean I would have so much to want to blog about having experienced 2 weeks of Cambodia and SHE Rescue Home but its strangely done the opposite.

Post Cambodia I’ve had a blogging block!!!!

I haven’t felt motivated to write anything and as much as I had an absolutely amazing time in Cambodia on the mission trip I haven’t felt compelled to write about it.

Given I’ve spent the last 3 weeks getting back into work, sharing stories with family and friends and actually processing what has happened but the main thing I’ve been doing is figuring out where I go from here.   I feel different being back.   I feel happier and more content with who I am but the change is actually a new found sense of direction and accepting that what ever direction I do take, it is the right one – because I am a daughter of Christ.

The direction for me now is definitely keeping up momentum and doing all I can at home, to help the SHE home.  That now, after some awesome revelations of my talents and how I can use them, is organising a SHE Rescue Home Fundraiser event.  And having just booked a venue and date to have a fundraiser luncheon – the momentum is definitely in full swing!!!

The thing I usually feel about expectation is disappointment.  And its often disappointment towards others because I expect them to act a certain way when I’ve organised something or expect them to react in my own self conceived way.  The issue with this is that you are more than likely going to be disappointed in the result because you have ‘imagined’ it a certain way and reality is no way near close to how we often think something will turn out – especially when there are other people involved!!!

But the thing I’ve figured out, for myself, is that expectation isn’t mine.   Expectation isn’t in my hands.  I only have minimal control over what happens.  I mean I can expect something to turn out a certain way and organise the heck out of it to get it that way – but the way it pans out, the way it ends up happening – it’s definitely not in my hands!!! We all know whose hands it is in 😀

That is the turn in direction I’ve had since I’ve come back.  I guess I knew this – but knowing and acting are two different things.   Now I feel confident not only in myself but confident with the faith that I have within myself.  It’s not about how I expected my life to be with Christ or as a Christian but how it IS being a Christian with Christ in my life and how I have been shaped and changed BECAUSE of that.

The mission trip definitely helped me to overcome some hurdles I had prior and I am so much more happier because of it!!!   I felt at the beginning of the year that it was going to be a great year – NOW – I am just so excited about what direction this year is going to take.  Feels like its just beginning all over again!!!!

Glad to be back on here too – I have been seeing what everyone is up to still, though not so much involved since I’ve been back than I’d hoped.  It’s definitely a part that I haven’t stopped thinking about – such lovely women.  But hoping the blogging block is gone – I think its the ol thang of just getting in and doing it rather than saying you’ll do it and doing something else instead.   Hope you are all well and happy smiling ladies!!!! 

rest upon my heart

Last night was my last meeting before my mission trip next week (eeek next week!!)  and the basis of the meeting was prayer and prophesy for the girls and I before the trip.  Far out! It was just amazing and the great thing was that we were told to record it on our phones so we can type it out and pray about it later.

While I was driving to the meeting I had this overwhelming sense of calm and a couple of revelations which have excited me and given me a refreshing sense of faith!

I realised, on the drive there, that I wasn’t actually nervous any more.  That the feelings I had of being nervous were actually because I was feeling excited and I had turned all of that nervous energy into excitement.  But the thing was – I felt it, a shift!

Then after these two lovely ladies prophesied and I had left the meeting, I realised that part of what one of the ladies said was what I had prayed for before I left for the meeting.   It was about my heart!

I pray Lord that you will rest upon my heart.  Open my heart up and speak directly to me.  Make my nerves go away and be present in my heart!!! 

This is what really spoke to me and brought tears to my eyes.

Father God, right now I just ask that you will expand her heart. Father that your will, it will be like the birthing of something that you have never experienced before.   Its going to be like a deep  pull to them that your almost going to be groaning at times because of the mantle that God is putting over you, the father heart of God and the understanding that he’s going to give you.  But oh the depth of your praise and your worship, oh the depth of your love of God and the depth of God in you as you meditate on that.  As you draw from that.  As you allow him to just fill you full to overflowing with revelation knowledge.   Spirit of God.  Thank you father! Fill her heart – full and fresh! Thank you Lord that she is a vessel willing to carry your glory! Thank you Lord!  

What an overwhelming sense of clarity and calm I felt in that moment.  What an overwhelming sense of our Lord I felt in that moment!  I’ve never had that strength of feeling in me before where I just felt completely overwhelmed in that moment and completely and absolutely LOVED in that moment!  Definitely resting on my heart!! Thank you!!!

Here is a another quick excerpt (sorry for the excited rabbling!)  from our team trainer from the recording which I just absolutely loved.  Ooooo one happy woman right now!!!  

The Lord showed me that he is your shepherd.  He’s your father.  Your loving father.  And where you have felt inadequate before, where you have thought you fell short, you will not fall short.  Jesus is the one that will lift you.  And I just had a picture of him walking just in front of you and as Penny was talking about the ray of light, I just saw the sun come through the clouds, it was dark and as you were walking behind Jesus, you were just walking quietly but with authority and he’s saying to you, come!  Just follow me, come Finley.  Come and I will take you where I want you to go but rest in me and do not feel inadequate and stand against those thoughts of inadequacy .  Just be still but have authority.  Walk in authority.  Exercise that authority. In Jesus name.

Seeking simplicity // relinquishing control

At the beginning of the month I had decided that my word for the year was to be Simplicity.    The thing is I knew it wouldn’t be simple..  There are many things I have to do before I can just simply have it!.  One of those things, for me,  is control.

It comes down to this – one of my favourite passages of scripture so far;

For me this means to; Trust in God and surrender all your control to Him.   Pray without being concerned if you are saying the wrong thing or not – that’s your control talking – just pray!

Things I’ve learned, and helped by a great sermon at Church on Sunday  just past too, is that you are influenced by what’s around you, what you see.  So you should only have the things in front of you that will influence you in a good way, to the goal you want to achieve!

Motivational speakers use words of affirmation and positive thinking to push people to the next level. Or if you are wanting to be a professional athlete or super fit, you don’t get there by doing it every once in a while – you get there by dedication, practice and being around it all the time.

It can be this for anything in your life.  It doesn’t have to just be  your spiritual life.  It relates for me to food – have healthy food in front of you and around you all the time and you will eat it – only have things in front of you that will influence you in a good way.    

In my spiritual life – its prayer.  I struggle with feeling fully comfortable in doing it because I am not doing it enough!

I know that comes down to relinquishing control.   I have to stop trying to be in control of every situation and just DO! You will never win the race if you don’t even try!

and awesomely – this revelation came after I prayed this morning – go figure 😉