that girl that cries in the car

It’s a strange thing fear.  It can make you scared, frozen and uncertain about the future.

I’ve been feeling a lot of that this week.   A fear of the “what ifs”.

What if i don’t get a positive health report when I go to the doctor next.  What if there is no way for us to naturally have children?  What if i am living a life that is half hearted when it could be so much more?

Its these things that have been confronting me as I hear more and more and know more and more people who have been diagnosed with cancer.  And its breaking my heart to think about what these people are going through, both physically and mentally.   It must be incredibly overwhelming.

The fear then starts to make you look at yourself and begin to question what is happening with your own life. What if that was you? What would you do?  How would you feel? What would you change in your life because of this?  It begins to question what you have right now and whether it is enough.

But why do you have to wait for something bad to happen!!! Why couldn’t you just change your situation now? What is stopping me at looking at what I would change in my life now? Because life could change in a second tomorrow?

So driving home, a million thoughts going through my head about what I would do.  What would I change?  What have I been putting off?  Should we look further into adoption.   Should we look at fostering.  Do we sell our house and move out bush to a more relaxed,  homegrown lifestyle away from the hustle and bustle of the city?

With all these thoughts racing through my head, one soft still voice cut through it, interrupting the mess, “Seek first the kingdom of God”.

And little tears started flowing.   All these thoughts going through my head of how I can change my own situation, so easily shifting my focus away from what I know I should be concentrating on – the big guy upstairs!!

It’s so easy to get distracted by the what ifs.  But my gentle reminder was pretty clear –  stop, life will go on – but ALWAYS seek first His kingdom. His word.  The rest will fall into place to exactly how it should be because your focus is on His will!

It’s easy to get caught up in worry and fear and when there is terrible things happening to those you love.  It’s incredibly hard not to be swept up in those feelings!  But there is already an answer that will help you….its written for everyone to read!

I know at times I will still get scared, I know that there is always a fear of the unknown and I know I will probably over analyse it and write a raw, heavy post!    I’ve been that way ever since I was little and also into my teens. Scared of death and running into my mum and dads room in the middle of the night, anxious and in tears.  But I know now where to look and where to seek comfort, beyond the here and now – its just a matter of continually knowing that thats where the answers are, and to push all my worries into prayer and cling to Him.

Serve only the Lord your God and fear him alone. Obey his commands, listen to his voice, and cling to him.

Deuteronomy 13:4 NLT