You see it is hard waiting for a miracle. Every day I feel different things – certain times of the months I feel A LOT more things I can tell you.
I’ve had plenty of sad days and days of being upset and wondering when this journey will end. But amongst those days there have been happy days. Plenty of them! And its focusing on that and why you were so happy that is what keeps you going.
What I’ve recently learned however, and I’m talking recently as in Sunday just gone, is that I deserve a miracle!
It seems that for quite a while, I’ve been telling myself quite the opposite – that I don’t deserve a miracle. That there is something I’ve done along the way that has meant that I won’t get a child. That I shouldn’t ask to be pregnant in prayer because it’s not something I’ve earnt. So I haven’t been asking. I haven’t been praying for our future child.
Now that in itself is something I have to work on because I’m still trying to figure out why exactly I feel this way, but Sunday it changed this perception for me. I took myself out of my comfort zone and went along to a healing meeting my sister in law invited us to. It was at a church outside of Brisbane with a Pastor called John Mellor – an Australian man who travels the world performing amazing healings and miracles in the name of Jesus.
Every single person in that church was given the opportunity to be prayed for. To line up after the service and have John pray on their need, to pray for healing. I felt like I maybe shouldn’t. That there were people in this church with pain, sickness and cancer and here we were, healthy and happy people who wanted to create a life, while others were fighting for theres.
But we lined up and waited for John to pray for us – both whispering to each other about ‘what do we ask for, what do we say‘, only to both say back to each other ‘i don’t know i’ve never done this before‘. Yes we are dorks.
But fancy that. Not knowing what to ask for – but knowing at the same time. We shouldn’t have to be afraid to ask!
We did end up telling him when it was our time – that we were waiting for a baby.
He prayed for us and prayed our infertility away. He laid hands on us and prayed for healing of sperm. He lay hands upon my stomach and prayed for my uterus to be healed. He laid hands on us both and prayed for the promise of a child in 12 months time. And tears streamed down my face.
I’ve learnt that its okay to speak out loud what we want. That as we praise God and ask for forgiveness, that we can also ask for what our hearts long for and believe that through faith He will deliver! Because we are all worthy! That Jesus paid the ultimate price for us and that in these circumstances we have to take it to the cross!
Sunday gave me affirmation of hope and for believing in a child of our own just as He has done for so many others who have prayed for the same!
I will be praying every day. I will be praying every day on the promise of a child of our own in 12 months time. Praying on the healing power of our Lord Jesus Christ and believing that we do indeed deserve a miracle and we will have a child.